2:39 p.m. - 2005-12-28
Merry Christmas 2005
Dearest Lucian,
I'm sorry I haven't written in a while, life hasn't presented me with much oppprtunity to do so. So much has happened since I last wrote to you. your cold has subsided to a simple stffiness. On the 16th of this month (December) you laughed out loud for the first time. I found out that we'll be moving into the house where I grew up at the end of next month. My dad, your grandpa, is moving into his dad's, your great-grandpa's, house and we get his. This will be wonderful, because it's a much nicer neighborhood, and it's a whole 3 bedroom house. with a basement and a washer and dryer and everything. It came at a good time, too, because I lost my job, shortly after that news.
Losing my job, while mostly it is sad news, is actually kind of serendipitous. I hated that job, they weren't paying me enough, and this time off allows me more time to spend with you. To watch you as you grow, and learn new tricks. Of course, spending all day with you has it's down sides. I'm afraid I might be spoiling you. I hold you pretty much all the time, now. and when you cry, I come to get you almost right away. I may be making it difficult for you to work things out on your own. And I don't want to do that. but I also don't want ot liten to you cry... and not because it gives me a headache, but because my heart aches when I listen to you being anything but happy. I want so much for you. I want you to grow up with a family you know you can turn to, that you know loves you. But I also want you to be secure in yourself, to know that you can handle whatever life throws at you. And believe me, it will throw a lot at you. But you can be strong. You'll always have me and your dad to help you, to back you up, but also we know you can handle things.
Speaking of your dad,
he bought you your first Hess truck for Christmas. he says it was a tradition in his life that his dad always bopught him one, and he wanted to start the tradition with you. I want you to know that no matter what happens between him and me, I love him. I always will. And we both love you, and that too is forever. He is going to be having another child with his wife, that child will be your half-brother or sister, and with time, I hope that you will get to know him/her. I hope that we will be able to be a big family of support for one another.
I am being paged by you now to feed you, so I must write you again later.
All my love,
Mommy
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