11:12 a.m. - 2006-05-24
cuddle with me
Dearest Lucian,
I had been trying to get you to sleep all night in your crib. I think I was doing more damage than good, and have given up on it. Not only were you much more tired during the day, but you were also very clingy. Like suddenly, you couldn't trust me anymore. I like that feeling even less than I like getting up in the middle of the night to bring you to bed. And Pete, who is worried that I'll raise a spoiled brat, is just going to have to be okay with my decision. Or he can take a hike. You love Pete, and will no doubt miss him if that is the choice he makes, but you'll get over missing him a lot faster than you'll get over my betrayal of your needs.
And besides, I really like cuddling with you at night. I don't like being woken up by being slapped in the face, but it's such a small price to pay for watching your swwet face in it's most relaxed state. I hope you don't sleep in my bed forever, but if you do, you do. I'd rather you know that I am always here for you, rather than be afraid to let me out of your site.
These past few days have been hell. I've been PMS, which you will understand much later in life (well, you will never *truely* understand, but that's cause you'll never have to go through it the way I do... but your girlfriends will, and you'll have your own version of understanding then), and you have been so sad. I don't want to make you that sad.
Giving in on this does not mean that I will buy you a toy everytime we go shopping. Nor does it mean that I will be afraid to say "No," to you. I am not of the belief that you will *never* be sad, nor do I think I can *never* be the one to make you sad, or angry. Just that at 9 months, I should not be doing things that make you sad ALL DAY. I love you cuddle bear. I will keep cuddling you until you are ready to sleep on your own. I still put you to bed in your crib, and I still try to get you to sleep in yur crib, but once you wake up past the half-way mark in the night, I'll bring you into bed. Until you sleep through the night.
Pete be damned. This *is* taking care of your needs. Not just giving in to your whims.
Hugs and Kisses!
Mommy
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