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3:31 p.m. - 2007-08-06
Dearest Lucian,

It's been more thna three months since I"ve written. Sorry, sweetie. It's quite a shame too, because I've finally managed to accomplish all my promises to you, and you've been growing up to be exactly the kind of angel I'd always hoped you'd be. You're extremely smart. Your second birthday is still just over a week away, and you already talk in full sentences, have all your favorite books memorized well enough to 'read' them to me (Marvin K. Mooney, Will You Please Go Now!; Green Eggs and Ham; Robert the Rose Horse; Tikki Tikki Tembo), you outwit me more than I care to admit, but you're sweet and tend, and you are generally so well behaved that I feel guilty each time I get angry with you. Which I do. I get angry when you aren't perfect. And it's not fair, but it's true. Every morning when we wake up, you put your toys back in your crib. Some mornings, you defy me. You tell me to clean up the toys, or you start wandering around your room looking for other toys to play with instead of picking up the stuffies that belong in your crib. Lately, I've been handling this better, but the look of pure defiancde in your eyes makes me so mad. I often feel as though your being defiant because you hate me, rather than because this is the terrible two's you're entering and it's perfectly natural. I'm also VERY pregnant, and prone to losing my temper when it's not at all apropriate, and this is also not fair to you.

Yesterday, you chose to skip breakfast. This may make me a terrible mommy, but I don't force breakfast on you. I offer it daily, I even make it daily, but if after seeing it made you choose not to eat it, I eat it. So yesterday was one of those days. Daddy and I had to go shopping for things for the new baby, so after breakfast time, we packed you up, and dragged you out to Babies'R'Us. We shopped for what felt like an eternity, and daddy bought you two toys that we agreed were good replacements for toys we didn't think you should have had in the first place (mom-mom and pop-pop get carried away sometimes) and we figured we could swap new for old while you napped. During the shopping, I'm sure you got bored, but there were no tantrums, there was no attempt to stand up and walk home, and you noticed that the quarter ride was Nu-nu from Teletubbies for the first time. Daddy took you over to ride, and when you were done, there was no fussing or crying that you wanted to go again, you simply got down, said "Thank you, Nu-nu," and came back to hold my hand as we walked through the psrking lot. Then we drove around looking for a Friendly's resteraunt so we could eat lunch. By the time we actually got to the resteraunt, it was 2pm, you hadn't eaten, and it was already nap time. Instead of being cranky and impatient waiting for lunch to be served, you sat quietly and colored until your hot dogs were brought out. You ate, and ate until most of it was gone, and then when it was time to leave you were fairly compliant. And while you didn't get a nap at all, you played sweetly until dinner time, and let daddy and mommy take (seperate) naps. Bath and bed was not a chore, either.

Daddy and I stayed up after you fell asleep and just sat in wonder at how awesome you are.

In a few days you will officially be a big brother. I have been trying to prepare you for the day we bring little Valentino home, and we get to keep him forever. I don't think it's sinking in yet, so we'll just have to see.

Anyway, just a quick little update - you me and daddy live in a nice house, you have your own room. There's an in-ground pool, and lots of toys. Stability, nutritious meals, and a schedule. All the things that used to keep me up nights worrying about being able to provide for you, have been provided. I'm so proud of us. We made it. And with any luck, you won't remeber all the time in your life that you were shuffled from this house to this house, being served fewer good meals than fast meals.

I will try to remember to update this a bit more in the future.


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